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WHY SO MANY STARTS AND SO MANY FAILURES?

Younger, looking for love, I’d get ready every week on Ladies Night. Tonight, is the night, I just know I will find my match tonight. Excitement, hope, anticipation. At the end of the night after pumping myself up with alcohol: Empty, alone, diminished. So many starts, so many failures. Overweight, looking for perfection, I’d start my new diet every Monday. This week I just know I will find my perfect eating routine that will change my life. Excitement, hope, anticipation. At the end of the week, after pumping myself up with forbidden food: Empty, alone, diminished. So many starts, so many failures. Unhealthy, looking for perfection, I’d start my new exercise routine every month, This time, it’s it. I just know I will find my exercise routine that will change my life. Excitement, hope, anticipation. Soon, after pumping myself up with a lack of discipline: Empty, alone, diminished. Lord, how many times, have I cried out to you, cried in your arms, defeated, unworthy. Lord, why can’t I be perfect. Lord, why, why, why? Others are in love, others are thin, others exercise so freely. Why, why, why? And then I heard you say: "You are perfect in my eyes. I love you. I accept you back every time you've failed because I see your battle each day. I see you fighting against your mind and I see inside your heart. I see your love for me. I see your beauty. " For years, I had beaten myself up with dissatisfaction; but slowly I was growing in your grace. I found my perfect love match; I eat healthier now. (not perfect but better); I work out almost every day feeling the poisons leaving my body through sweat.I've learned, I’m not alone. Really, I never was, but it took me a long time to see you walking with me each day. It took me a long time to understand that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I truly love you, Lord and I thank-you for watching over me each step of my way. I thank-you for believing in me when I didn't believe in myself.Romans 7:22-23 With my heart I agree with the Law of God. But in every part of me I discover something fighting against my mind, and it makes me a prisoner of sin that controls everything I do. ... See MoreSee Less

WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO NEVER FORGET?

There was a song: “Running On Empty”, by Jackson Brown; my theme song in my twenty’s. Lots of running around but always so empty. Running on empty, running blind, running into the sun, but I’m running behind.I spend lots of time running and running, trying to make me whole. I was a slave to sin; nothing would fill the gaping hole - I felt without Christ. Inside I was Empty. Empty. Empty. The more I pursued, the more I tried to fill. It swallowed me up and I could never be still. I focused on success, money, prestige. Accumulating things, I thought would give me ease. Inside I was Empty. Empty. Empty. I didn't need anyone; built a wall so others couldn't see. The outside looked so good but inside sooo empty.I remember my life without Christ - my human life when I chose to allow sin to rule. Many still live out a human life each day.Some mornings strong, Some mornings lost, Some mornings raw, each sin paying a cost. Emotions, angers, fears, despair. A million feelings float through the air. This is the human life…Unbearable days and terrified nights, pierced hearts, human fights. Loneliness for some, others broken hearts, hating each day, as once again it restarts. This is the human life…Some mornings smiles, some mornings tears, some morning missing all held dear. Darkness drowns the soul, where to turn? Peace longed for pushes the burn. This is the human life…Then I remember my life with Christ; my Christian life, when I chose to walk each day with the king of the universe. He was holding me close. I became safe in his care.Only God’s love changes the path, promising safety in the emotional wrath. Dark days fade into new morning light, beauty from ashes, he changed my sight.Mercy without merit, pure grace unearned, heartbreak he made whole, peace covered the burn. Strong, loving arms, he comforts me in, his hope, his acceptance – he knows where I’ve been. This is the Christian life…What once seemed so exciting at first became so empty inside, until I reached for the hand of the one true guide. Thank you Lord for changing my life...Romans 6:21-22 when you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death. ... See MoreSee Less

HOW CAN MY MEMORIES BE SO WRONG?

January 20th, the day Enzo and I first said hello 14 years ago. My anniversary date was last week. I used to sit outside during my devotions when I lived in my house in Winter Garden. Each morning some bird, or lizard or squirrel would greet me as I turned my face and heart towards God.That was 2 years ago. Now I live in an apt (which I love) in St. Pete. I usually do my devotions inside because we live on the 7th floor, and I do not see nature friends like I used to. Hard to get a squirrel, lizard and even birds up so high. On the morning of our anniversary as Enzo and I had coffee, we looked outside on our balcony and there was a beautiful peace dove sitting on the railing. A peace dove just staring. First time it had ever happened. Happened on our anniversary. It was like you were saying: It's me, God. I’m here. I love you. I bless your marriage. It's me, God letting you know I see you; I’m with you; I have good things planned for you. Enzo and I met online. Our chats from those days were recorded and kept in a file. It’s been 14 years so I decided to reread our story.Of course I totally remembered the story in my mind. Of course my memories were perfectly correct. I remembered that I liked Enzo immediately, but it took a long time for him to commit to me. I remember he was the one who didn’t move forward quickly. I remember a lot of stress in the beginning.Re-reading I totally got smacked in the face with understanding. Understanding of his point of view.I would type 10 lines to his one line. He spoke the Italian, Spanish and Icelandic languages with English as his 4th language. He had to have time to translate in his mind. (Now that I’ve am learning Italian, I totally understand the need for time to translate in my mind.)He was just starting back to work after having surgery. He was tired because of a 5-hour time difference. And yet he kept reaching out to me. I can see now how confusing it was when I wrote. I can now see his patience and his thoughtful attempts to understand what I was saying. I can not believe I’ve had the idea so wrong, for so long. Romans 3:25-26 God gave Jesus to show that he always does what is right and fair. He was right in the past when he was patient and did not punish people for their sins. And in our own time he still does what is right. Jesus is shows us what is right and fair. He saw my wrong thinking and yet, he still was patient and didn’t punish me for sins. I see how much he has always loved me even with my wrong thinking. And now, I also see so clearly how much Enzo cared for me from the very first, even with my wrong thinking. 14 years. God took his own time to allow me to open my eyes to this truth. 14 years and now I see. Thank you father for the next step in an incredible journey with you. Let me always have eyes that see. ... See MoreSee Less

WHY DID I MISS SO MUCH WHEN I JUDGED SO FREELY?

This is a story about 3 pets. Spanky, the top dog. Cute, loyal, friendly, he followed me from room to room. Spanky became the king of the house. Second was Faith, the latest pet project of my son, Josh, a black and brown little kitty cat we got at birth. Faith was sweet and friendly and easy to love. Because she was developing a habit of getting out of the house and running around the neighborhood, we decided to get a second cat, Lilly to keep her company. Lilly did the trick because Faith never left the house again. Lilly on the other hand, didn’t fit in. She was not friendly. You could only touch her on the head or chin. If you petted her in the wrong place, she would scratch you. Quick, vicious slaps. She spent most of her time as an outcast, under the bed, isolated and unseen. Years go by. Spanky dies. Faith becomes number one, now. Climbing on me, affectionately rubbing her face on mine, easing the pain of Spanky’s leaving. Oh yeah, Lilly’s around but no one really notices or wants to take a chance on reaching out to her because we’ve already made judgement. Soon, it’s just Enzo and me. We moved to Saint Petersburg along with 2 cats (that started out as my son’s pets). Faith continued to be the GO-TO pet until she didn’t. She passed away last year. Now it’s just three of us: Enzo, me and Lilly. Maria, Enzo’s mom came to visit last Summer. She didn’t know all about Lilly’s issues. She didn’t know Lilly didn’t fit in. She didn’t know Lilly didn’t belong. She just started loving on her, accepting her, petting her, reaching out to her during the time she was here. Small treats each morning and low and behold a star was born. A new Lilly, a Lilly boosted up with unconditional love, affection, and acceptance. Now Lilly followed me from room to room. Now Lilly waited for me by the bed each morning. Now Lilly would look deep into my eyes and share her special Meow. She would even roll over on her side so I could pet you on the stomach. Much like the world today with it’s unbearable standards in body image, fashion status, peer pressure and wealth level - many do not fit in. Many, who become marginalized by not fitting the world’s mold, seek ways to become loved. What group can they fit it. Where can the be accepted. And when they find a willing group, they can move farther from true love, and acceptance. Everyone needs a Maria. Someone to give them a second chance; someone to forget that they don’t fit; someone who reaches out a loving helping hand to say you matter. Jesus left the whole flock to and seek the ONE lost sheep. You may be the only one to reach the ONE lost sheep that God has placed in your care. Love first, lead second, judge and be judged for your own faults. After all only Christ died in perfection.Romans 2:1 So, do you think that you can judge those other people? You are wrong. You too are guilty of sin. You judge them, but you do the same things they do. So, when you judge them, you are really condemning yourself. ... See MoreSee Less

WHY DO EVER DOUBT GOD WALKS WITH ME EACH DAY?

It’s Saturday. Enzo and I are going to a poker tournament where I will see George, my special 93-year-old friend. I wrote about him before so search for “George” to see how our story started. He gets there around noon and never misses a day. When I go in, I give him a hug and a special bar of candy that he likes. We’ve become great friends over the year. So today when I got there at 2:00, I was surprised not to find him. In the past when he was late, I’d watch for him to come in and say: “George, you can’t be late because you know I worry about you.” Today was different. He’s always there by 2:00 so I was alarmed. When I called, he said he had fallen in the bathroom but not to worry. I’d been to his house, once before, to deliver some soup to him but didn’t go in and felt like if I came over maybe I’d be intruding. I started the tournament, level 7 which is a high-hand level. This means that the person who has the best hand wins their entry fee back. It’s not easy and many times no one wins. I’m praying for George as I go to the table. The first hand I’m dealt is AA, (2 Aces) the high pair I could get before the cards are dealt!! Then 3 cards are dealt. One A (Ace) and another pair giving me one of the best hands I could get in the game. At the end of the round, I won back my entry fee for the entire tournament. I knew immediately what that meant. God was telling me to go. Go to George. I bought him some soup, got in the car, and started driving. Then when I realized I wasn’t sure of his address. I had only been there once. I drove over the long bridge to Tampa and remembered I was to turn right soon but where? I remembered the name Manhattan but that was all. I saw the first street sign to the right and it said: Wallace. I’m like that’s so familiar. I look again and it said Westshore Drive. Westshore Drive? But I knew right then I was to drive to Manhattan and then to Wallace - so easy. I parked my car in his driveway and a huge Monarch butterfly flitted by my eyes as I got out. Butterflies? Butterflies have been special to me and Enzo for 14-years since we met. It was like God smiling down on me. I love when I make him happy. I sat in a small chair by George’s bed. His tiny frame looked so weak. Each time he moved he was in pain and his breathing was labored. We talked. We sang old songs and I prayed for him. Out loud and silently as he drifted off to sleep. I showered him with the love of God - letting him know that God had chosen him to be my friend and that we would be in heaven together. When I left, I smiled all the way home. It’s been 2 days now and he is getting better each day. He has become a special part of my life and I can’t believe God chose him as my friend. Doubts? What doubts can I have that God takes every step in my walk of life. I’m never alone and my life has become a great, grand adventure that I never cease to be amazed with. Colossians 1: 10 That you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of GodPsalm 37:23-24: “The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand. ... See MoreSee Less

WHERE'S WALDO?

I’m 57. My husband, Enzo and I were invited to a Halloween party. He went as “Where’s Waldo?”, so cute with his little glasses and red striped shirt. At the party, he watches and waits for each photo, then he is there “photo bombing” every image. Oh yeah, that’s where “Waldo” is!! Ephesians 4:24 Be that new person who was made to be like God, truly good and pleasing to him. For me, that means to watch and wait, and then to “love bomb” a moment of someone else's life. It may be holding a door for someone, buying someone a cup of soup or a breakfast or taking a church member a pizza because they had to work. It may mean sharing candy with friends or acquaintances during outings or work. It may be taking the time to give someone an old purse that you don’t really like, because they tell you how much they love it. It may simply be a smile, a kind word or saying hi to a stranger. For me, that means to watch and wait to “love bomb” someone, who will carry that memory forever in their minds.Does it mean, I’m going to heaven for this. No. I’m going to heaven because Christ loved me enough to pay the price. But it does mean something else:When I asked him into my heart, it was lost and dark like ashes. He makes beauty from ashes. Each time, I forget self and love others, it’s like a new petal of a beautiful “heart flower” growing where darkness was. Time after time, love adds another petal and soon, I’m joyful. Soon, I’m peaceful. Soon, I’m happy. To be like God for me is to walk like him on this earth. Not a walk of longing with highs and lows made by selfish ambition but a walk of joy because my heart is filled with beauty, and I know my future is secure.Isaiah 61:3 In Zion who mourn, I will bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes. ... See MoreSee Less

WHY CAN'T MORE PEOPLE SEE YOUR MIRACLES?

I’m sitting in church, overwhelmed, broken; tears flowing freely. I remember when I was 11, I asked you to come into my heart, to walk with me, watch over me, to bless me. I never could have imagined in my wildest dreams what you would do. I prayed, “Lord, show me love and 14 years ago, you answered my prayer.” I met my husband because he had a slow growing, benign brain tumor. It’s true. If he didn’t have a tumor, he would not have been recuperating in the hospital, after his second surgery in 15 years. Without his brain tumor, we would not have met. When we met, I prayed, “Lord, it's a TUMOR. I'm afraid!! Please just give me 10 years with this man, 10 years of love, that's all I ask."10 years passed so quickly with many trips to the doctor for MRI’s to see if he would need another surgery. I prayed constantly. I pleaded: Lord,I was so wrong, I need more time.” It’s been 14 years.We had 2 MRI’s this year. We drove to a doctor in Orlando to review films, hoping that the tumor hadn’t grow to the point of more surgery. Always hopeful but anxious. When the doctor said, “Enzo, you don’t need to check again unless you experience any symptoms; the tumor has not grown and I’m confident, the surgeries in the past have done their job.” We were hit with a lightning bolt of joy – neither of us expecting this. No way, Lord, I cannot believe once again you would give me another moment of miraculous joy. I’m stunned. No way!! I don’t deserve this...Today, I’m sitting in church, overwhelmed, broken; tears flowing freely; TEARS OF JOY!!! I'm in awe of the life you given me, as I walk beside you day by day.Ephesians 3:20 God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! ... See MoreSee Less

WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG TO TOUCH SPOOKIE?

I’m 20. Going back to my hometown in Kentucky for the first time since I left at 18. I enter the old house we lived in for so long, hug my mamma, tears rolling down my cheeks. Afterwards I turn and see Spookie, our 10-pound miniature poodle, we’ve had since childhood and all the memories come crashing back. Years where I tried to pet him. Years where his vicious growl would start, his mouth would open, his teeth would show. OK, OK I was told that when we were little, we chased him around trying to pet him and pulling his tail to get him to stop for us. I do have one foggy memory, so I guess it could be right; but to see something you’ve wanted to be a part of for so long and never getting close, was hard. The dog was purchased for the family, but he loved only my dad. We would feed him and let him out, but we could never belong to him -- even up to my 18th year when I left home, I never touched him.Then a miraculous thought happened...I’m 20 now. I’m an adult. I weigh 130 lbs (could be a little more. hehe) So, I went right over and scooped up that small dog. He was viciously growling as I pull him close to my chest and held him in my arms. Soon he calmed down and relaxed and accepted me as his. For so many years, I had allowed circumstance, fear, bad thinking, old records rule my relationship with Spookie. He was mine for a long time but I never allowed him close. He belonged to me but I didn’t belong to him. I love that I have a place; that I am no longer a stranger, and outsider in Christ. I love that he loved me enough to want me and to accept me. I belong just as I am. We all do. We don’t have to perform or earn it. We just have to let go of all the barriers that prevent us from believing. Ephesians 2:19 You’re no longer wandering exiles. This kingdom of faith is now your home country. You’re no longer strangers or outsiders. You belong here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone. Prayer. Thank you, Lord for loving a little tomato picker from Kentucky that was afraid for years of Spookie. Thank you for opening my eyes and giving me wisdom to see clearly obstacles that I place in my life that keep me from you. ... See MoreSee Less

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS LOVE ME?

Summer 2022. It’s been a busy time. My husband’s mother came from Italy for 4 weeks. A month later, my husband’s sister and our brother-in-law came for 3 weeks. It was a wonderful, glorious summer filled with lots of outings, eating, drinking wine, laughing, smiling and loving. Lord, I’d say the grace before meals, and spend a little time with you each day but you were not first. Afterwards, I was lost inside. Lost my alignment, lost my lightness, lost my supernatural peace resting in your arms. Then all the old records of judgement started to kick in. He can’t love you when you spent all your time on pleasure. You just can’t come back anytime and think he will still love you. You are alone now. Gone is your supernatural blessing. Gone. Gone. Gone. Then the little girl inside says: You will never be good enough. You are not ever going to be welcomed in heaven. Just like you couldn’t make your mamma and daddy happy. Last night, I woke up in the late in the evening, very sorry that I missed out on you so. Forgive me Lord; Forgive me once again. You reach down to me saying my spirit has walked with you each day. I’ve been waiting. I never left you. Once again you woo me with your unconditional love so I can come back to your loving arms where I may find my peace. I hear: There is a time for every season. I hear: You are mine; I will never leave you. I hear: I see you through my eyes not yours. And then I know once again, I can start a new walk with my hand in yours. And then I know once again that I am your daughter destined to spend eternity with you. And I know once again I will see you face to face.Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.Lamentations 3:22-23 NIVBecause of the LORD’s great love, I am not consumed, his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ... See MoreSee Less

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE S-I-C-K?

It’s 1984. I’m 24. I just accepted a new job as Classified Advertising Manager at a Miami newspaper. I start Monday. Whooohooo!!It’s Monday. Noooo, I have strep throat. Can’t believe it. I have to perform. I have to be perfect. What will they think of me calling in sick before I even start the job? All my insecurities of having to be perfect kick-in. I beat myself up. I make excuses. I become defensive. I fight the same invisible battle with myself. I play the same broken record in my mind I once again.S-I-C-K, the four-letter word I’d come to hate. S-I-C-K, the four-letter word that for years controlled my life. If I were perfect, maybe my dad would love me. If I were perfect, maybe my mom and dad would be happy. If I were perfect, maybe I’d feel worthy. Then I read: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 For everything there is a season, A time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. Solomon the wisest man in the world wrote this verse for me, to free me from my broken thinking. Now, I realize that I am going to get sick. Now I realize I am going to fail, but NOW I know God is a kind and caring God. He is the one who loves me when I mess up; when I’m not perfect. He is the one who loves me when I am sick or when I am tired. He is the one who loves me when I am depressed or sad. He doesn’t beat me when I’m down. He gently reaches for me and lifts me back up to better days and whispers: it’s a time to rest. ... See MoreSee Less

WHY DID I RESIST HER?

I’m 9. My mom says, “You are overly tired. You need to go take a nap.” I’m angry. She treats me like a child. I am NOT overly tired. I will NOT take a nap. She insists. I promise myself I will NOT bend to her demands. I lie in bed hours, forcing myself NOT to sleep. I am in charge. I am mad because I am treated like a child. For years, I didn’t hear: “You are overly tired.” These days, I definitely hear: "I'm overly tired." only it's me talking to me. These days, my mother’s words come back hauntingly when I have too much to do in a short period of time; or when I physically push my body that doesn’t work like it did when I was 9. These days, I’m mad because I miss the days of being treated like a child. These days, my over-tiredness is a constant reminder that my childhood days went so very quickly. These days, my over-tiredness reminds me how few days I have left. I’m mad. I don’t like these constant reminders. I am consumed with thoughts about how short life is; how fragile life it. I’m panicked with a constant feeling that I only have so much time left to make my life count for something. I love my life. I’m not ready to go and I don’t want my husband to go. These days, I waste my precious real-life moments worrying about all the what-ifs of my tomorrows.Today, I am confessing this terrible sin that I’ve allowed into my life. I know the first step is to expose it. Today, I am sharing from my heart; asking you find favor in me, asking you to bring me comfort, trust and peace. James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. ... See MoreSee Less

WHY DIDN'T I SAY NO?

It’s 2003, I’m at the Amway Center listening to Anthony Robbins; among thousands who are attending this big, FREE event with motivational speakers from different industries. Russ Whitney, a well-known real estate investor was promoting his Wealth Building System for real estate, and I was intrigued. Everything was FREE. I felt so lucky to be part of such a prestigious group of leaders -– who didn’t know me from a hole in the ground. Right then and there I signed up for Russ’ FREE 5-day course. It’s day 4 of the 5-day course. The hook has been baited and I’m being reeled to the catch – buy the software needed to be a Russ Whitney real estate success.For major decisions, I always go to the Lord. For major decisions I ask for his guidance. I write down my questions as I’d pray and meditate and read his word and wait. It’s amazing how many times I’ve gotten clear direction from him. It was a YES, move to the Florida Keys. It was a YES, buy land in Ocala. It was a YES, take the job in Orlando. He has guided my life’s journey in so many wonderful, exciting ways. Two times, it has been a NO. This was one of them. Today my devotion was James 4:13-14. Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.As I’d read my devotions, I would also go to the chapter in Proverbs that corresponded to the day of the month it was. Today, July 9th, I read Proverbs 9:10-11: Respect of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. For through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life. So funny this works hand in hand with the verse in James I’m writing about. After receiving 3 verses during the Russ Whitney week, I was absolutely sure, it was a NO. It’s now the last day and I’m ready to give them my answer but, but, but they called each of us up in front of the class to share our decision. NOOOO it’s a NOOO but I was such a people pleaser, I couldn’t say NOOO. If I said NOOO, I’d be a loser, the one in the class who didn’t fit - just like my childhood, I’d be on the outside looking in. The moment of truth where I’m supposed to stand firm in my convictions and confidence in the Lord, I panicked. I failed. And $12,000 later -- paid on a credit card that I would pay for years to come, I was part of the gang.Two weeks later my father died. I lost all interest in moving forward. I lost all interest in conquering the world. I was resting in the arms of my Savior, leaning on his comfort and sharing my sorrow. God knew. His ways are always best and I’m a living example of how so many times when it was a YES, it was a mind-blowing, awesome YES. He has only said NO 2x but both times they were disasters. This time, I was in mourning, and the software was terrible. Today that software is on sale on eBay for $99.00. As I’ve grown and matured; as I’ve worked out my sanctification, I say NO when God says NO. He is trustworthy. I believe and accept his guidance. I know his ways are so much higher and greater than my feeble mind. I have come to trust in the NOOs as well as the YESSES, believing that my life is a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow. Now I choose to fill all my todays with a peace that can only come from God… Lord, lead me to the next chapter of the life you have planned for me. I love this walk I’m taking with you. ... See MoreSee Less

WHY DOES 20 MINUTES MEAN SO MUCH?

Why couldn’t I have been born into an athletic family? Why do I have to be the one who hates exercise? It always starts, I always start with good intentions. Several times I bought exercise equipment. Each lasted a short while. New apartment 2 years ago with a gym. Went 5x. Took up walking, but it got too hot. Took up walking, but wasn’t feeling good that day. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses… I am like a shifting shadow with good intentions. Lord, I’m lost. Getting old. My body slowly fading. You’ve heard my cry so many times. And finally, one night in the middle of the night. (I love nights with you when I see your wisdom.) You said, “You have a gym that you haven’t used in almost 2 years, dummy.” (Ok that was my add-in) He said, “Don’t try... Commit. Commit to something you can do.” Your spirit put this thought inside of me: I can do 20 minutes each day, without quitting. 20 minutes is nothing. 20 minutes is manageable. I waste 20 minutes in the bathroom. 20 minutes is a hair wash. 20 minutes is an email check. I can do 20 minutes. So, I began…That was 22 days ago. For the last 22 days, I got up, went to the gym and worked-out on an elliptical for 20 minutes every day. After so many other exercise’ starts; After so many new diet beginnings -- that failed after a week or 2, I decided NOT to write until 21 days had gone by. WHY? Because I remembered it takes 21 days to build a new habit. I didn’t wait on my husband to go or to support me. I made my commitment to you, Lord. Just me and you, Lord. No excuses anymore.Now 22 days later, I wake up once again, jump into the gym clothes I have on my chair, drink my coffee and head toward happiness. Yes, and each day after I keep my commitment, I feel great. My body hurts less. I eat differently. At church yesterday, I smiled as I connected with you so deeply and so clearly. You are smiling down on me, my King. Your words for me are a good and perfect gift from above. Thank you for loving me so much. James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. Matthew 5:37 Say only ‘yes’ if you mean ‘yes,’ and say only ‘no’ if you mean ‘no.’ ... See MoreSee Less

THEN I SEE, THEN I REMEMBER

Distractions: TV, Cell Phones, Texts, Facebook, Games, Music. For some, life so good. For many, life so bad. For most, life so busy. My shoulders sag with the weight of responsibilities I have. My mind spins with all the pleasure choices I can choose. Each day is a squeeze. I squeeze a few minutes out each day for you Lord, between all my distractions. And then I wake in the middle of the night, in my big, soft bed, in my protected bubble. And for a moment, I am swallowed up with realization that my struggles are nothing compared to others. I’ve put myself away and stepped into someone else’s life, and THEN I SEE. I try to find a way out for them, but I’m lost, Lord. Like an ostrich with my head in the sand, I’ve wasted time in my easy, simple, pleasurable world. My heart didn’t hurt. Hopelessness didn’t rule. I didn’t feel trapped. I didn’t feel lost. And then Sunday, communion is served. And for a moment, I am swallowed up with the realization of you, your struggles, your love. As my lips take in the bread, THEN I REMEMBER your flesh wounded, your body pierced, the crown of thorns pricking your head. As I drink the wine, I see your blood running down. I see the ground red with your life flowing out. When I stop MY world and let my heart soften, then I see, then I remember. I remember you. I remember others and I see me clearly. Why Lord is my life so easy? I feel your love and experience your peace. All for me, Lord. It’s not fair how your goodness overwhelms me. Mark 14: 22-25 While they were eating, Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take it; this is my body.” Then he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, and they all drank from it. “This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many,” he said to them1 Corinthians 11:28 Before you eat the brand and drink the cup, you should examine your own attitude. ... See MoreSee Less

WHY DOES IT HURT WHEN MY HEART SOBS?

Garage Sale. Fun Day. I went inside for 2 minutes to get change. When I returned, a lady was trying to get my 10-year-old son in the back seat of her car. My Josh. My baby. He’s 23 now. We’ve been through getting him to graduate high school, picking a trade, girlfriend problems, depression, laughter, anger, and sadness. At times I was exhausted. At times I was overwhelmed with tears of joy and tears of pain – but I got to go through it all. If on that day, when he was 10, I had lost him. I would have lost all those hard struggles and sweet triumphs. I would only have left the picture of my beautiful, innocent boy; the one who filled my soul and made my heart sing. Deep, searing anguish rips my heart out for all the parents in Ulvade, Texas. One moment frozen, when time stopped. All the memories of their children now made perfect in their loss. These pictures will be their last pictures, etched in their minds, forever. I’ve never had the gift of mercy but when I put my son’s picture here, I understand. I feel their loss. My stomach cramps with pain. My eyes flood with tears. My heart sobs. My child smiling as I left him to go in for just 2 minutes. Almost lost when I returned. Thank you, Father for sparing me. Thank you, Father for the life of my son. Thank you, father for allowing me to understand. I pray for comfort and mercy for these families. I pray that others will feel their loss as you have touched my heart. I pray that these menaces with body armor and guns are prevented for such horrible meaningless killings like this in the future. I love that I can come to you and rest in your arms in my sadness.Revelation 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” ... See MoreSee Less

WHY ME LORD?

I was sitting outside this morning with Enzo, my husband, sharing a cup of coffee. The conversation turned to protestors walking in front of our apartment building last night. Their topic: rent increases and unfair wages. And I wondered: What if I was one of them? Strangled with fear that when my lease is up and rents increase, I won’t make it. That I was only one step away from homelessness. That I was one decision away from not having food, shelter, and safety. I am a miracle. Small town girl makes good. She ends up in Florida – the most beautiful state she could imagine. She has her retirement in order. She has her health. But most importantly, she has the knowledge that you are alive and walking beside her each day. There is no other explanation how a Kentucky tomato picker could have come this far. I am your miracle. You have guided me; supernaturally maneuvered my life to places I could not dream or imagine.Tears fill my eyes, knowing inside this little girl is who she is, only because of your goodness. Thank you, God for choosing me and for me choosing you. Thank you, God, that I have supernatural peace inside - a peace I tap into each day. Thank you, God, that I know I’m going to be OK no matter the circumstances. Knowing I’m never alone. Knowing I don’t have to do it by myself. Knowing that you have good things planned for me that are higher, greater, and more wonderful than I deserve.Thank you, God, for my life. Let me be a shining example of your love and goodness to others so they may experience the unexplainable joy I’ve found. Mark 10:27 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” ... See MoreSee Less